Once you have written your self-improvement goal, take a moment to think about why it would be important to you if you were able to make big gains on that goal. Then jot those reasons underneath your goal. (e.g., “Saying ‘no’ would mean I could do more of what’s on my own list. I always come last!” or “I’d be much less stressed if I delegated more”).
3b. See the ‘brakes’ you apply to your own goal: The Competing Commitments. It’s understandable that you have these worries, but we want to invite you to consider something that may seem odd at first. Consider that you are not only “worrying” (a relatively passive activity) about these things, but that you are actively committed (not necessarily consciously) to making sure the things you worry about never occur. This is the heart of a third-column commitment. You do not merely passively “have a fear”; you actively behave in ways that very effectively, even brilliantly, protect you from having your fear come true. In the space below the Worry Box, re-state each fear you named into a statement that expresses an active “commitment” to keeping your fear from happening. Example continued: “I worry I’ll say the wrong thing, and that people will think I’m dumb” becomes this: “I am committed to never saying the wrong thing. To never be seen as dumb.” (Here’s another example of turning a fear into a “commitment”: “I worry that my being more straight-forward will lead people to be too critical in return” becomes this: “I am committed to people withholding the negative feedback they have for me.”)
Enter each re-stated worry into column #3 under the “worry box”.
If the picture before you feels powerful, intriguing, or even just interesting you have taken an important first step to overturning your immunity to change.
We invite you, as well, to inquire about participating in an Immunity-to-change coaching cycle, either via a small group format ITC Pods or an individual, one-to-one coaching arrangement.